diezoberflote
Loftwing
i love communists. a lot.
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Jokes
- Thread starter Magicman
- Start date
i love communists. a lot.
Demoncrat7
Loftwing
Heard on NPR a few minutes ago:
"Throwing acid is wrong...in some people's eyes."
"Throwing acid is wrong...in some people's eyes."
Windmage
Co-Webmaster, Co-Conspirator
These are bad, but...
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the water?
Bob
What do you call that same guy in front of a door?
Matt
What do you call that same guy hanging on the wall?
Art
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter...he's not going to come to you.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the water?
Bob
What do you call that same guy in front of a door?
Matt
What do you call that same guy hanging on the wall?
Art
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter...he's not going to come to you.
Ides Of March
Shakespeare's Wife
How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?
Open door, insert giraffe, close door.
How do you put an elephant in the refrigerator?
Open door, remove giraffe, insert elephant, close door.
The lion king decides to have a party and invite all the animals. Every animal attends except for one. Which one and why?
The elephant because he's in the refrigerator.
You need to cross a gator-infested body of water. Do you do it?
Yes, of course. All the gators are at the lion's party.
Open door, insert giraffe, close door.
How do you put an elephant in the refrigerator?
Open door, remove giraffe, insert elephant, close door.
The lion king decides to have a party and invite all the animals. Every animal attends except for one. Which one and why?
The elephant because he's in the refrigerator.
You need to cross a gator-infested body of water. Do you do it?
Yes, of course. All the gators are at the lion's party.
Windmage
Co-Webmaster, Co-Conspirator
Haha, those made me laugh. 
forgive me if i do repeats...
Did you know Hellen Keller had a dollhouse in her room?
Neither did she.
Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's house?
Neither has he.
A blonde was driving down the road in the middle of nowhere. A car stalled on the side of the road and its driver flagged her down. After she stopped and got out of the car, the driver pulled a gun on her and told her to stand still. He went over to her and drew a circle around her with a piece of chalk and ordered her not to move outside of the circle, or else. He then began going threw her car and stopped when he heard giggling. He went to the blonde and asked her what was so funny. She refused to tell him and he slashed her tires. He went back to plundering and they he heard her laughing louder. "You think thats funny?" he said and then busted her windows out. He looked back at her and she was doubled over with laughter. He took out a gernade and blew up her car. He turned back to her and she was rolling on the ground in hysterical laughter.
"Lady...I just stranded you in the middle of nowhere. What could possibly be that funny?"
The blonde contained herself and then giggled, "Everytime you turned your back, I stepped out of the circle."
forgive me if i do repeats...
Did you know Hellen Keller had a dollhouse in her room?
Neither did she.
Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's house?
Neither has he.
A blonde was driving down the road in the middle of nowhere. A car stalled on the side of the road and its driver flagged her down. After she stopped and got out of the car, the driver pulled a gun on her and told her to stand still. He went over to her and drew a circle around her with a piece of chalk and ordered her not to move outside of the circle, or else. He then began going threw her car and stopped when he heard giggling. He went to the blonde and asked her what was so funny. She refused to tell him and he slashed her tires. He went back to plundering and they he heard her laughing louder. "You think thats funny?" he said and then busted her windows out. He looked back at her and she was doubled over with laughter. He took out a gernade and blew up her car. He turned back to her and she was rolling on the ground in hysterical laughter.
"Lady...I just stranded you in the middle of nowhere. What could possibly be that funny?"
The blonde contained herself and then giggled, "Everytime you turned your back, I stepped out of the circle."
Lt_Justin
The Grand Admiral
A lib and conservative were driving down the road in the same car. So, they're running low on gas and the conservative says "better get some gas". They pull into the station and drive up to the pump. The lib looks out the window and says "OMG MTHIS IS ATROTIOUS! THERE SHOULD BE A MUCH HEAVIER CARBON TAZX ON THIS GAS!" The conservative says "The price is already $3.00 a gallon, unles you want to flip the tab shut up!"
That's the future....
That's the future....
Capt. Zeroth
Loftwing
Ahahahahahahahaha.
yoyolll
Conspiracy Theorist
That was so funny.
A con and a liberal were driving down the road in the same car. So, they're running low on gas and the con says "better get some gas". They pull into the station and drive up to the pump. The con looks out the window and says "OMG MTHIS IS ATROTIOUS! THIS SHOULD BE SO MUCH MORE EXPENSIVE SO ALL THE MONEY CAN GO TO THE RICH OIL COMPANIES WHEN I FILL UP MY GAS GUZZLING PICK UP TRUCK AND IDLE IT FOR 45 MINUTES WHILE I SHOP FOR WHISKEY!" The liberal says "go **** yourself".
The con then sends more soldiers to Iraq...
A con and a liberal were driving down the road in the same car. So, they're running low on gas and the con says "better get some gas". They pull into the station and drive up to the pump. The con looks out the window and says "OMG MTHIS IS ATROTIOUS! THIS SHOULD BE SO MUCH MORE EXPENSIVE SO ALL THE MONEY CAN GO TO THE RICH OIL COMPANIES WHEN I FILL UP MY GAS GUZZLING PICK UP TRUCK AND IDLE IT FOR 45 MINUTES WHILE I SHOP FOR WHISKEY!" The liberal says "go **** yourself".
The con then sends more soldiers to Iraq...
Capt. Zeroth
Loftwing
I found a similar one!
A lib and con were driving down the road in the same car. So, they're running low on gas and the con says "better get some gas". They pull into the station and drive up to the pump. The lib looks out the window and says "OMG MTHIS IS EXPENSIVE! WE SHOULD BE INVESTING IN OTHER ENERGY RESOURCES!" The con says "ARE YOU QUEER BOY? THE ENVIRONMENT DOESNT GIVE A ****!" The lib says "THIS ISNT ABOUT THE ******* ENVIROMENT ITS ABOUT YOUR ******* WALLET GETTING RAPED. HOE."
A lib and con were driving down the road in the same car. So, they're running low on gas and the con says "better get some gas". They pull into the station and drive up to the pump. The lib looks out the window and says "OMG MTHIS IS EXPENSIVE! WE SHOULD BE INVESTING IN OTHER ENERGY RESOURCES!" The con says "ARE YOU QUEER BOY? THE ENVIRONMENT DOESNT GIVE A ****!" The lib says "THIS ISNT ABOUT THE ******* ENVIROMENT ITS ABOUT YOUR ******* WALLET GETTING RAPED. HOE."
Ides Of March
Shakespeare's Wife
A blonde is driving down a road along a cornfield. She stops her car because she notices an odd sight. In the middle of the cornfield was another blonde in a rowboat trying to move about the field. The first blonde gets out of her car and yells, "It's people like you who give blondes a bad name!!! If I could swim, I would sure as heck get in there and kick your [behind]!"